Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
