she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
