well you can't waste a boner
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
