Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
