who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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