The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
