Bisexual people are plain selfish.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
