I'm jealous of your bromance
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
