I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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