Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
