I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
there is glitter all over my balls
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