Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
