if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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