The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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