he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize