Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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