dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Houston, we have a blender
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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