I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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