Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
