is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
