after a month anything with tits is on the radar
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
