I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
