just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
