You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
