He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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