Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
