when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
