he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The air taste purple.
Randomize
