Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
