i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
