so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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