you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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