You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
