She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
