I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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