I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
