drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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