for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
