She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
