Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
