Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
