so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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