I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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