I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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