At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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