I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
