I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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