dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
