im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
