There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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