So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize