You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I love you.
Bad choice
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