hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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