Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
