Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
