WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
