obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
