Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
