Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
