I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
