I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
