let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
