OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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