She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
