Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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