I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
