was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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